Saturday, 19 April 2014

Welcome to the Baby Olympics!

If babies were athletes.......

Event one: the hiccup marathon
Points are scored for each time your baby gets hiccups in one day and extra points are awarded for the duration your baby can go before getting really really frustrated. 

Not to be confused with:

Event two: the sneezing 100 metres
Points are obtained in a similar way to the "hiccup marathon" - previous winners have been known to sneeze more than ten times in a 24 hour period! 

Event three: fill a nappy
Your baby could be a star Olympian if they can: 1) get wee on you when their nappy is being changed  2) get poopy on the wall during a nappy change or 3) soil and stain the inside of their clothing prior to the nappy change. 
Extra marks for traumatising your parent by wriggling poopy everywhere and spreading it up your little, chubby legs. 

Event four: throwing your toys out the pram
This event isn't about having a meltdown in public, it's all about losing things when mummy isn't looking. Socks can be wiggled off for beginner babies whilst the more advanced can unhook a favourite toy from the pram and drop it soundlessly without either parent or passers by noticing. 

Event five: the sleepathon
Not all events in the Baby Olympics involve being naughty! To win the sleepathon a baby must sleep a minimum of eight hours overnight with several naps taken during the day. Extra points for sleeping through your feed time and for not stirring when mummy drops a pan in the kitchen (and swears loudly.)

Event six: the smile, giggle and wriggle
A pro athlete can instantly cheer up a stressed mummy or daddy by pretending to appreciate the fake animal noises, grinning in a insanely cute way after throwing up or performing their "special trick" on cue for bored relatives. 
It's worth starting the training early with your baby to avoid a mummy meltdown on long days.

Special parent events:
Parents can also compete against their other halves by complaining about who has had the least sleep, who changed the dirtiest nappy, who the baby loves more and who picked out the cutest outfit for the baby to poo in. 
Parents can also compete against other parents in the "Smug Olympics" by boasting about long sleep times and super powers such as having an "early starter baby" (one who can sit/stand/crawl before day ten.) 

Could your baby win the Baby Olympics? What would be their "star event?"

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